Community | An undoubted strength

If he had to give a nickname to today's society, psychologist Pascale Brillon would choose “ego.com.” “We talk a lot about caring for ourselves, taking care of ourselves, which is actually very positive, but we forget that caring for others is not only a burden. It is not only harmful. It can also be a source of a lot of satisfaction,” believes the professor at the University of Quebec in Montreal (UQAM).

In recent years, he has noticed an “erosion of kindness,” a value too prescriptive in the highly religious Quebec of the past, he insists. We see him on social networks, where he says “bad things” to himself – or not – under the guise of anonymity. We see this in real life, where the stress associated with the pandemic has caused “great irritation and a great sense of isolation and anger among people.” “Some people think they've lost their social skills over the years,” says Pascale Brillon.

Call for mercy

The psychologist, who specializes in post-traumatic stress disorder, traumatic grief and anxiety, firmly believes society could benefit from valuing kindness more. The Canadian Psychiatric Association (CMHA) agrees.

This year, for National Mental Health Week, the organization is launching a “Call for Kindness.” A few months ago, its Montreal subsidiary led a regional campaign around this topic. “We searched the literature for what is an area of ​​our daily life that is accessible to everyone and that does not require much effort. We found studies that demonstrate that compassion, the more we practice it, the more beneficial it is to mental health,” explains Fanny Gravel-Patri, when asked about the I Practice Kindness initiative launched by the company last November.

We doubt it's nice to be the recipient of a kind gesture, but doing it also brings its share of benefits. “Kindness can reduce stress, increase our happiness levels, and increase our self-esteem,” says Fanny Gravel-Patri, a mental health development consultant at the ACSM branch in Montreal.

“People give meaning to their existence, and that is a very positive thing,” argues Pascale Brillon.

“They also have a perception that the world is generally more beneficial when they do acts of kindness,” she adds, adding that a positive view of society promotes “more peaceful mental health.”

Generous and cheerful

Laura Agnin, a psychology professor at Simon Fraser University in British Columbia, knows all too well the benefits of performing acts of kindness. Director of the Helping and Happiness Lab, she is particularly interested in financial generosity.

In one of several studies conducted by his team, participants were randomly divided into four groups and given either $5 or $20 to give something to others or to themselves. “People who had to spend money on someone else were happier at the end of the day,” says the professor. He calls these emotional benefits “happiness boosts” because they are short-lived. However, if making loving gestures becomes a habit, “it can improve happiness in general,” she believes.

Does the value of the gift affect happiness? “In real life, we find that when people use their own money, the more they give, the happier they feel,” Laura Agnin responded. However, he stresses, “it's hard to say whether happy people are more generous or whether generosity makes people happier.” He thinks it necessary to carry out an experiment to clarify the question. However, in another study, his team demonstrated that “even if you give the equivalent of just $2.50, you can feel short-term emotional benefits.”

Small gestures count

At the University of Sussex in the United Kingdom, Canadian researcher Gillian Sandström is part of a team that contributed to the Kindness Trial, a major study on kindness carried out in 2021 involving 60,000 participants from 144 countries. A BBC podcast.

Each respondent was asked to indicate the last act of kindness they had received. Most of them are very simple: a smile, a compliment, a thank you, helping to carry the groceries… “All these small gestures can make a big difference,” believes the researcher, whose expertise focuses a lot on interactions with strangers.

“Every time we do something to show that we see someone as human, it's an act of kindness and it feels good,” he believes.

Between fears and hesitations

If small acts of kindness can have positive effects on both the doer and the recipient, why don't we do them more often?

For example, bringing coffee to your boss may be seen by some as a gesture to get a promotion. “Men have told me they don't want a woman holding the door because she might take it badly,” he says.

To those who hesitate to show kindness because of other people's interpretations, he likes to tell them: “People can see the good intention behind the gesture. Being kind pays off. »

Pascal Brillon suggests using the image of the wall to talk about the importance of kindness in our social relationships. “We are all bricks. To hold the wall, you need a motor. Sandhu is compassion. »

Listen to the BBC podcast The anatomy of grace (in English)